Today I had a whole-day meeting at the office. There was a dinner but I declined due to the kids. The meeting ended at about 7pm. I called home while on the bus to the MRT station. Kieran usually reaches home by 6.30pm and Siti would pick him up at the lobby with Raeyen in tow.
Kieran answered and as expected, he didn't bathe nor take his dinner (because neither Dad or Mom was home in time and he "overrules" Siti by default). I was not happy and told him to bathe and have dinner or I would not attend his mini function at the Kindergarten tomorrow morning (which I took half-day leave). He even raided the fridge for tidbits!
I met hubby at my destination MRT station, got home at almost 8pm and realised Kieran misspelled "shot" and "dot" as "sht" and "dop". He could spell those two along with "hot" and "pot" last evening and this morning! I was upset and even more so after I read a comment from his childcare centre teacher in his Communications book that he tore his classmate's papers because his friend asked him to do so! All these incidents rolled up as triple-whammy to me! I spent my time disciplining him at the expense of spending wee-bit of time with Raeyen, who fell asleep right after milk at about 8.45pm.
I tried my best to get home in time every day, I coached him in his schoolwork, I nurtured him and guided him to love, respect and be nice to people around him, and this is the outcome!
I am sad, no, beyond sad. I don't know what to do. I want so so much to spend more quality time with him and Raeyen, but no matter what I do, it doesn't seem enough or effective.
I don't like this lifestyle, it's unhealthy to me, my kids and my family. I don't like this society - it's unfair, ungracious, costly, too competitive, idiotic, inconsiderate, selfish...
...I'm probably going crazy!
Thursday 26 July 2007
Sad
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5 cherubic angels:
*pat pat*
you are doing a good job already! Don't be so hard on yourself, kids will be kids. Like my dad says, if they don't misbehave that's when we should be really worried.
It's something that's normal that kids know who they can 'bully', and they tend to do what their friends do or asked them to. ITs part of wanting to be in the circle, so to speak. What would you have preferred? For him to do what he had done as told by friend, or would you have rather read that Kieran was the mastermind in getting friend to tear up that piece of paper?
I've had the privilege of teaching Kieran, and both K and I have always liked him as a kid. he's mild natured, sweet, helpful and generous. I've seen him shared his stuff with Wei le and Keagan. You are doing a wonderful job, Pris. Don't let little things upset you or doubt your ability as a mum.
Not many work mums are as devoted as you, and you have great kids to boast. Chin up!
"muak muak"
thanks val!
i felt much better after reading your "comment".
it's so tough be be a mommy, let alone a good one.
oh dear, cheer up pris!
i'm new to his motherhood thingy so i can't comment much but i sure noe it's TOUGH! hehehehe...
n yah, like val said, we both liked Kieran lots last time. Dun worry too much, i'm sure everything wld turn out fine.
self doubts is inevitable cos we can never know if we're doing things rite. i've my own share o doubts n guilts in these 8 short months o motherhood. hehehehe...
so ya, *pat pat*
hi kei
somehow i felt i gave too little to the kids as i am not a SAHM. kids taken care by SAHM certainly have an edge in their growing up years. it's something i do not have the privilege of being one.
the environment we live in really is not conducive for kids and working moms. the support is so limited hence so many educated moms and professionals like yourselves gave up your careers for the sake of your offsprings.
i'm v touched by the encouragement that you & val gave me. thanks!
sigh, i agree w u regarding e work life thingy... it just doesn't exist.
dun blame urself lah. as mums, we're burdened w so many choices 2 make. after we make one, we're still constantly plagued by self doubts, wondering if we made e right choice etc etc. i guess we'll never noe so as long as we did our best, we shld pat ourselves on e back. but ya, i tink i can understand how u feel.
i too, frequently wonder if i made e right decision 2 b a sahm, whether it's in e best interest o mandy etc etc.... all these tots can really make us MAD!!! heheheh... so yah, hope u're already feeling better! :)
we mothers must really help n encourage one another cos only WE understand. :)
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